My Dark Jedi Alter Ego Once Wrote a Joyous Ode to a Bumblebee

I’m dark and moody. I live in the shadows. Well, maybe not so much. I’m a thirty something mother of two, so I am pretty sure there isn’t much about my life that is lived in the shadows. I can’t, my kids would find me! But as for my writing….. The things that compel me to write poetry and such are the things that do live in the shadows. Pretty sure my inner self is some

My ideal setting. Photo Credits: James Saiper @
Where my writing self resides.  Photo Credits: James Saiper @

sort of powerful Gothic queen, one that has thrown in the towel with Darth Vader and the rest of the Empire. Maybe more Dark Jedi than a Gothic queen. Can’t I just be a little of both? Either way, you get the picture. (Oh and let me just add in here, that being a nerd, I have even come up with my alter ego Dark Jedi name: Aylis Umbra. Cool huh?!)

Inspiration. I need it to write. INSPIRE! I have a love/hate relationship with that word. The word itself, when I am in need, has as much frustration in it as I have for shoe shopping when I am in need of shoes. I love shoes, I have a lot of them. Yet, I could spend hours in a DSW wandering aimlessly looking for just that right pair of shoes. Then I have to force myself to touch a pair and put them on and see what happens, just to get the ball rolling. Then I finally see a pair (which I probably have passed ten times now in my walking in circles in the aisle) and I think “These are the ones I have been looking for!” Which they are not of course, but I think they are, especially when I find out that they are all out of my size, which is a clear sign to me that fate was trying to say that THESE were the droids, I mean shoes I was looking for! Then I inevitably realize that I should give up the good fight and leave. Maybe in a few days I will go back, and they will get all new inventory surely then, they would have what I want (yes, I am a dreamer).

Created by kelseydavis

Phew, sorry I digress. Where were we? Inspiration. It’s frustrating at times. Like shoe shopping. It’s hard to find either when you are in need. Now, being the Dark Jedi/Gothic Queen that I am inside, you can imagine I don’t write about flower markets, or a good friend, or love and butterflies all that much. I did write an ode to a cute, fuzzy bumblebee though, which is quite literally the merriest thing that I have put pen to paper. What draws me in are not the shiny and new, it’s the grim and the grit. I am inspired to write when the mood is pensive, profound or depressing. I know you are thinking, “wow you much be a joy to hang out with!” In my opinion I think I am pretty awesome, thank you very much. I just can’t help that I want to write about those thoughts and feelings from things that may live in the shadows of our everyday consciousness.

The Latin for inspire is: inspirare. Meaning “to breathe upon or into”. Awesome. That is profound.  When a notion of inspiration does get planted, I will grasp a hold and write furiously until it’s gone and then I am back to square one, in search of that elusive thing to breathe a new idea or thought into my soul. So WHAT does inspire me? Well, I usually find inspiration mainly in the form of photographs and from books (nonfiction typically). History inspires me, current events, the science and physics of space and our universe inspires me! Just wish the shadows would decide to pay me a visit again soon.

What inspires you? And it doesn’t even have to be the type of inspiration for art or writing. Everyone needs inspirare in their daily life to make it worthwhile. Please share, or not. I’ll still be here, struggling with my Dark Jedi self to figure out my next move out of or into the shadows.

Asajj Ventress, Star Wars. Credit: ElementsWorkshop
Asajj Ventress, Star Wars.         Credit: ElementsWorkshop

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